Two syllables,
One follows the other tamely.
One pitch, both even, not higher.
Nor sinking down like fire.
What drama is it that lies in its utterance?

I lie back in my bed all day
Repeating it over and over,
Savouring the feel of it on my tongue.

"Between desire and reality…a bit…between fact and breakfast…madness, lies, lies, lies…a bit…I hate you, I hate you and yet I hate you…a bit…as love, rage and aches of the ear.."

I walked that evening across that bend
Past each known bush and where we first met.
Past the old house of my old friend
Past paths that lead to the church’s exit.

No one passed me as I strolled.
Hand in sleeve, and my hands grew cold.
I was easy company, at our sad ease
No chivalry, no curtsies

The lights glow on, who lives here now
Neglects the garden.
I take the turn and you are gone

Is aloneness a sign
Of greater wisdom in design
The torque of me and mine

Some talk of failing and some of love
That terms are reckoned from above

Looking into Sehwag's mind

Virender Sehwag is an exceptional man. Yes, we all know he is very talented, has excellent hand-eye co-ordination, great balance, can time the ball really well and hit it with immense power when he feels like. But you could say most of that about Suresh Raina as well. Sehwag is exceptional because he has an unusual brain. On a pitch where the ball was swinging in the air at one wet end and spinning furiously at the other cracked end, where Sachin, Dravid and Ganguly managed less than ten runs between them, where Muralitharan was at his sublime best and Mendis in the midst of one of the most sensational debuts for a spinner ever, he just batted through the innings for his 201 not out at an astonishing rate and rarely looked in trouble. The thing about Sehwag is that he comes across as an untutored, raw talent. He is pristine for he is largely untouched by any regard for history, conditions, coaching manuals or even conventional wisdom. Over the years, I have marveled as much as at Sehwag's batting as his approach to it seen through his comments, anecdotes and legends surrounding him.


In his book on Top 100 cricketers he ever played with/against, Shane Warne tells a very interesting story about Virender Sehwag (rank 35). During his county stint for Leicestershire, Sehwag was batting with Jeremy Snape. Abdur Razzaq, who troubled Sachin Tendulkar so often was getting the old ball to reverse swing a fair bit causing all sorts of problem for the batsmen. Sehwag discussed his strategy with Snape to counter this and says, "I have a plan." He promptly hits the ball for a huge six out of the stadium so that they have to now replace it with a new one.


In his Wisden article on Sehwag, Ganguly wrote that to find out how Sehwag approached batting, one needed to sit with in the pavilion and watch another batsman on-field. Most balls are punctuated with comments of "Chhakka gaya, Chowka gaya" (Six missed, four missed)ruing missed scoring opportunities.


Yesterday Sehwag said, "I missed a big one in the last Test, so I didn't want to miss out this time." For those who have forgotten, he scored 131 in the last Test. King cricket in his blog comes up with a new system to apply adjectives to him.
"We’ve a new system:

* 100 = okay
* 150 = good
* 200 = very good
* 300+ and feats of rapid scoring = special adjectives reserved solely for Virender Sehwag

To knacker up bowling figures and careers is one thing. To knacker up the English language is going some."


Maybe the key to understand the way he thinks is his most recent comment. "I play each ball on its merit and try to hit only the bad balls," he said. "That's the key to my batting."
But, I prefer the peek into his mind he offered earlier this year when asked how he stayed focussed on field. He said, "I try to hum songs, bhajans, Sai Baba bhajans, Kishore Kumar songs, especially those pictured on Amitabh Bachchan, till the bowler is about to deliver. I try to sing songs as perfectly as possible in order to keep my mind completely uncluttered."

The time of your life

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

One of my friends made me listen to that song by Green Day and made me wonder about the idea of having the time of one’s life. Music has always had an intrinsic association with anything barely romantic in my life. Hence, it was perhaps fitting that I reflect on this idea while listening to this song over and over again.

Family

"There is nothing more important to a man than his family."
-Vito Corleone

I am very fond of an occasional drink. I have grown to enjoy the taste of most kinds of alcohol, I love trying out new drinks and I love the feeling of a slight high when you have just had the right amount of alcohol that is so conducive to brilliant conversations without you really toppling over or losing control. Yet, sometimes I get smashed, maybe puke and lose control over myself and worst of all, someone has to take care of me. Sometimes, one gets silly and it is fun for people around you until they have o take care of you and it is certainly no fun for yourself. Every time one of these bouts of uncontrolled drinking occur, I get very bothered. No one likes not to be in control (I especially abhor it), I don't like being silly and I hate the idea of someone having to take care of me. Most of all, I feel very embarrassed at being a nuisance. For some strange reason, off late, these experiences are accompanied by me imagining my father's disapproving gaze.


For someone not really close to his family, I love to talk (and think) about mine. I often wonder about how my father would judge all my actions, what remark my siblings would have to make. It's actually funny because all my life, I have been something of a rebel. I have always tried to chart my own path, bristled under the weight of any filial expectations, however little of it there might have been, notions of family unity suffocate me, in fact sometimes just being around my own people for too long makes me uncomfortable. Yet, I could bore you with intricate details of my childhood and family. Hell, some day I even want to chronicle my family history in a book! The truth is that however further I move, images of where I came from remain around me. I have started resembling my father, my voice and the way I speak or get angry is a lot like my brother, my story-telling abilities are a throwback to my uncle, I am gradually becoming a person a lot like my sister and I am beginning to believe, I search for my mother's sense of equanimity in the women in my life.

There is a line in Before Sunrise where Ethan Hawke says, "Everybody's parents fuck them up. You know, rich kids' parents gave them too much, poor kids' not enough. Too much attention, not enough attention. They either left them, or you know, they stuck around and taught them the wrong things."

This is very true and I don't really mean in a bad way, necessarily. We are what we were brought up with, what our parents and siblings are, inane childhood incidents which left a stamp on us. We are in some ways defined by our neurosis, and mostly, it all goes back to the four letter word called home.

Top 3 Underworld Movies

1. Goodfellas
The fact that it has topped Godfather alone tells you how good it is. Possibly my favorite Martin Scorsese(can't be certain between this and The King of Comedy), this movie is a fast-paced, almost comical portrayal of the world within which develops almost like a docu-drama. Great ensemble cast, freeze frames and long tracking shots and above all, an excellent narrative.

2. The Godfather
Given my obsession for this movie, I am not putting at No.1 with something of a heavy heart. The Godfather is one of the most thrilling cinematic experiences of all time. Perfectly chosen cast, brilliant screenplay taking out the best and the most pivotal parts of an extraordinary novel, excellent soundtrack and the period decor feel of the 1940s are what stand out.

3. Company
Everything about this movie works for me be it the tight screenplay, excellent narrative with some memorable voice overs and dialogues, inspired performances, one of the better soundtracks in an Indian movie and the way it is shot.

Here Today

And if I say, I really knew you well
What would your answer be?
If you were here today

Well, knowing you
You'd probably laugh and say
That we were worlds apart
If you were here today

But as for me, I still
Remember how it was before
And I'm holding back the tears no more

What about the time we met
Well, I suppose that you could say
We were playing hard to get
Didn't understand a thing
But we could always sing

What about the night we cried
Because there wasn't any reason
Left to keep it all inside
Never understood a word
But you were always there with a smile

And if I say, I really loved you
And was glad you came along

Goodnight

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an Emerald Bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Does the Gentlemen’s Game mean the Batsmen’s game?

An opinion gaining momentum in the recent past is that the game of cricket is increasingly becoming more and more favorable to the batsmen. Flat, batsmen friendly pitches, smaller grounds, more and more protective gear for the batsmen, the powerplays, and some may argue, a fall in the standard of bowling since the 70s, though this is debatable, have all made cricket a batsman’s game. Yet, if we give it some thought, we will realize that the bias towards the batsmen is not a recent phenomenon but a traditional reality steeped in the very ethos of the game.

No other sport, to my knowledge at least has a moral dimension as pronounced as cricket. Most other sports are usually tightly bound by rules, leaving very little space for ethical dilemmas to creep in wherein the sportspersons have to exercise their own moral discretion. The standard for these sports is usually that whatever is not prohibited is mandatory. It is only in the game of cricket that there is a grey area not bound by rules, yet viewed with a certain degree of moral censure. If we examine these grey areas, we will realize that the moral attitudes are strongly biased in the favor of the batsman.

Whether to walk or not is probably the most oft-faced dilemmas faced by cricketers. It has been at the centre of considerable debate lately after Adam Gilchrist decided to walk in an important World Cup match and exhorted others to do the same. The basis of his argument is if the batsman knows that he is out, he is morally obliged to walk. Sunil Gavaskar, in his book, Runs and Ruins, spoke of an incident while playing in Pakistan when he was out first ball and not given out. He did not walk because he had been given out so many times in Pakistan when he was not, he felt they owed him a few. This is the other side of the argument espoused by most players including, Sourav Ganguly and Ricky Ponting. A parallel to the same would be to appeal for a dismissal while knowing that the batsman is not out. However, strangely the same moral standard is not applied to the two. It has even been codified and was included in the preamble of the Spirit of the Game. Section 5 states that appealing, while knowing that a batsman is not out is contrary to the spirit of the game. In one instance, it has even led to a wicketkeeper being suspended for three matches.

The traditional bias against bowlers has been so strong that that when the googly was invented by Bernard Bosanquet, there were many who felt it was unethical for the bowler to thus, deceive the bastman! Now, such a suggestion would seem ridiculous but it does throw some light on the inherent bias in the game. The reason behind this strange discrimination perhaps lies in the old class division between batsmen and bowlers wherein batsman were the real gentlemen, while bowlers, merely players. It is most apparent in the moral censure attached to Mankading. The batsman clearly gains an unfair advantage by backing up too much and leaving the crease, whether intentionally or otherwise and if an unfair advantage is accrued, there must be a sanction, too. The problem with this form of dismissal was perhaps that the bowler questions the motives of the batsman in backing up too far and such an accusation by a player against a gentlemam doesn’t bode well.

A Suitable Boy: 19th Century literuture?

I read A Suitable Boy again recently. On my old blog, I had lamented the fact that I had never written anything on a book I so loved and discussed with like minded friends in such excruciating detail. Back in my first year in college, when we attempted to start the ill-fated book club, we never assigned a session to this epic of a book as we thought it had been discussed to death. However, this novel, so broad and magnificent in its scope, always throws up new things every time I read it. While I could go on and on about the characters of this book, in this post, I shall concentrate on Seth’s style of writing.

Written towards the end of the twentieth century, about a period in the middle of century of the century, this novel is very much in the tradition of nineteenth century European realist writing. This is in stark contrast of trend of magic realism pioneered amongst Indian writers by Rushdie and later espoused by the likes of Amitav Ghosh and Vikram Chandra.

Seth offers a hybrid blend of the fictional yet typical with actual historical characters and events. The main characters are imagined, but the fictional politicians Mahesh Kapoor and S.S. Sharma read a letter from the eminently real Jawaharlal Nehru – which indeed, as Seth informs the reader in his prefatory notes, reproduces, word for word, parts of a letter actually sent by Nehru. Nehru later makes an interesting cameo appearance in the novel. There is a lot of Scott in Seth’s book in his style of creating fictional characters within a historical background alongside real life figures. The fictitious city of Brahmpur in the fictitious state of Purva Pradesh is also an interesting blend of fact and fiction. It is not an imaginary city in a nowhere land but clearly in the Hindi heartland in North India with touches of Agra, Benaras and Ayodhya. This is similar to an Eliot’s Middlemarch which incidentally has been referenced by Amit Chatterjee, the character Seth modeled on himself.

Song

Sweetest love, I do not go,
For weariness of thee,
Nor in hope the world can show
A fitter love for me ;
But since that I
At the last must part, 'tis best,
Thus to use myself in jest
By feigned deaths to die.

Yesternight the sun went hence,
And yet is here to-day ;
He hath no desire nor sense,
Nor half so short a way ;
Then fear not me,
But believe that I shall make
Speedier journeys, since I take
More wings and spurs than he.

O how feeble is man's power,
That if good fortune fall,
Cannot add another hour,
Nor a lost hour recall ;
But come bad chance,
And we join to it our strength,
And we teach it art and length,
Itself o'er us to advance.

When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind,
But sigh'st my soul away ;
When thou weep'st, unkindly kind,
My life's blood doth decay.
It cannot be
That thou lovest me as thou say'st,
If in thine my life thou waste,
That art the best of me.

Let not thy divining heart
Forethink me any ill ;
Destiny may take thy part,
And may thy fears fulfil.
But think that we
Are but turn'd aside to sleep.
They who one another keep
Alive, ne'er parted be.

- John Donne

I don't think I have ever come across any piece of poetry which I like better than this.

One year back, I sang a song. Life is funny and very cruel. How does a person change so fundamentally? To think of a time when he could do almost anything. Anything agar tum kaho..

Why it is important to criticise Dhoni

So, the NZ tour has come to an end. For some strange reason, it is being called a final frontier. I would imagine that no Test series wins in quite some time in Sri-Lanka(not in a long time), Australia, South Africa(never), West Indies(not since 1971)would mean there are many significant frontiers to conquer. Dhoni's team won and we must congratulate them for it but then, an alternate result is not to be expected between the No.3 and No.8 teams in the world.

Dhoni has shown remarkable calm and poise as a captain and very importantly, seems to have the complete support of his team. He has also at certain times shown that he is not afraid of criticism, his 8-1 field placing being a case in point. But, he needs to improve a lot, tactically. For as long as I have watched cricket, I have felt the most glaring evidence of ours being a weak team is our inability to set attacking fields. When we finally have a team which is stronger than most, I mean, there can be absolutely no comparison between us and Vettori's team, why do we shy from attacking. Why have that sweeper in place always, why not put that extra slip against fast bowlers or close in fielder against Harbhajan Singh when you need one. And for God's sake why repeat the mistakes Ganguly committed in Sydney in 2004, Dravid in England in the final test in the 2007 tour, and Kumble in Adelaide. Why declare so late?


More importantly, I think it is important to criticise Dhoni when he falters for I detect a sort of attitude reminiscent of Sachin Tendulkar beginning to creep in where he is too sacrosanct and any criticism amounts to downright blasphemy. Dhoni has done a good job so far as a captain and one day batsman and is a fine ambassador for the game, too. But let's give him what he is due, whether bad or good.


On an aside, despite the fact that he did not do anything great in the test series, my favorite moment of the tour remains a Virender Sehwag special. The first three balls of the tour which were all sent sailing over midwicket for sixes. Even though India lost both the T20s (who really cares), it was a harbinger of the things to come. And, I think the bashing in one dayers also contributed to the insipid bowling of Southee and Mills in the tests, they could not get over it.

The Historic Trip to Town Part - II

For as long as I can remember, I have always imagined my life as a part of a larger narrative, chronicled in black and white, in still photographs and in film with a background score set to it. Perhaps it is just that I have always wanted to be a storyteller that I like to imagine my own life as scenes from a novel or movie.

Therefore, in my mind the following scenes are recapitulated with elaborate camera movements and soundtracks.

Setting: Guy waiting amidst barbed wires and telephone booths. Dimly lit scene in the part of night when the dawn in just about to set in.

As she becomes visible walking out from her hostel, the initial chords in The Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel begin to play. The song plays till she walks up to him.

"What have you put on your face?"
"On my face?!"
"Yeah. It looks different. More shiny."
And something changed.


******

Setting: Inside a BMTC bus. It is still before sunrise.

The camera follows them as they enter the bus and take a seat right at the back. As they sit, Aye Khuda Hafiz from Yuva starts. The camera angle keeps switches between shots of them sitting together and shots of her through his eyes beginning at her face and down to her hands. The song continues right till before Lucky Ali and Alisha Chenoy get into 'wo wos' at the end of the first verse and ends as they settle into a conversation about bus rides with the final long shot of the bus turning at crossing.


******

Setting: Walking up Brigade Road

Dream sequence as he watches her walk ahead and as the guitar starts strumming in the background, he breaks into You've really got a hold on me by the Beatles. They walk along a closed KFC, cigarette shops and the Nigiris which sells imported mangoes(or are they to be exported?) as he continues singing.


******

Setting: In Kaycee's, a small South Indian place, one of the least glamorous and memorable on Church Street which was the only place to be open at that hour.

Dev Chanda Theme 1 plays out as they throw probing questions about respective crushes and those others who had a crush on them.


******

Setting: A figure with a lit cigarette and smoke in a dark room.

A deep, impassive voice recites poetry with only the slight disturbance of the telephone line punctuating it.

What do I want of you?
To walk away with, from the rest.
As in privacy, you discard ceremony
Let your thoughts flow in front of me.
Lean on my shoulders, clasp my fingers.
My love, vouchsafe to me what you have vouchsafed to none.
What no brother, husband, friend and physician was privileged to know.
Talk of all and sundry, vacuities, the pain of existence, the pleasure of living.
Life's big despairs and small glories, what at this moment you lie thinking.
Tell me the whole story.


******

Roy replaces Shoaib

When I heard reports of Andrew Symonds involved in yet another drinking misdemeanor, I had to check the date of the report. So frequently has Symonds courted controversy that it has become tough to keep track. With Shoaib Akhtar out of the team for good(so it seems), it's time to crown Roy the undisputed king of controversial cricketers.

Cactus

Raat eka-ek neend tooti to kya dekhta hoon
Gagan se jaise utar kar ek tara cactus ki jhadiyon mein aa gira hai
Raat eka-ek neend tooti to kya dekhta hoon gagan se jaise utar kar ek tara cactus ki jhadiyon mein aa gira hai
Nikat jaa kar dekhta hoon ek adbhut phool kaanton mein khila hai
Hai cactus, divas mein tum khile hote,
rashmiyan kitni nichhaavar ho gayeen hoti tumhari pankhudiyon par
pavan apni god mein tumko jhula kar dhanya hota
gandh dheemi baantta phirta dhruvon mein
bhringya aate gherte tumko
anavrat bherte mala suyash ki, gun tumhara gungunate

dhairya se sun baat meri, cactus ne kahaa dheeme se
kisi vivashta se khilta hoon, khulne ki saadh to nahi hai
jag mein anjaana reh jaana koi apradh to nahi hai

- Harivanshrai Bachchan

You'd think it would be character
but you would think it wrong
All my men were characters
and most of them are gone

You'd think you should be similar
but no that's not it
the similar ones had my same faults
and we bored ourselves a bit.

You'd think it should be passion
but that's just ebb and flow
love can spark that back again
and then the fireworks show

You'd think it should be purpose
and I thought that for a while
for what then am I loving,
a man or his profile?

You'd think it would be trust
but everyone betrays
the one they love
in just too many ways.

You'd think it should be sacred
and then I think again
you have to forgive each other
and start it new again.

You'd think it could be intelligence
I like men who are smart
but it's courage and compassion
all the parts of heart

You'd think it would be happiness
and you might be close to right
but I need my space and darkness too
and that can start a fight.

You'd think it might be talking
and I think that might be close
but how he fills the silence
cause I just hate verbose.

You'd think he should be a hero
but I don't need much saving
I've saved myself for some long time
I'd rather watch him shaving.

You'd think it should be simple
to know that dueling men
argue from their own conceits
and love themselves again.

You'd think it would be hard to find
because no love had I found
till I saw him standing there
when I finally turned around.

You'd think it should be peaceful
but we started out with fighting-
and then he wrote his poems just for me.
And I don't need sky writing.

You'd think it might be many things
but I think that it's this
That I just make him happy
and that we just persist.

What we are is constantly being determined by what we do. But at times, we want to escape the extent of what we are. Sadly, in an age of documented written communication, it is almost impossible to do. I spent the last 2 hours going over random chats from the last two years, most of which did not make me feel good about myself and others. Only yesterday, I was telling someone that one must never delete what one has written. Going back to our write-ups is like reading reading history. It was a reflection of what we were. It may not be the whole story, leaving you to inquire into the past looking for context into what we wrote.

Yet, this business of written communication is scary. There could be a part of my history that I wouldn't want to be reminded of, some dark chapter that I am yet to make peace with it whose memory could have explosive manifestations. I wonder if it is then time to erase some of my history

For someone who is acutely technologically challenged, it's perhaps not surprising that I have taken to making ample use of the silent button on my phone off late only. I love the silent option. As I have discovered the joys offered by this facility, I have taken to shutting off people for the sheer joy of doing so, much to the consternation of family and friends.

Someone said the other day that technology has brought distant communication close and close communication distant. It reminded me of Kakoli Chatterjee from A Suitable Boy (of the What is Krishnan, in the end. Just a mushroom, just a friend fame) who was 'attached to her phone with an umbillical cord' and would stop talking to a first level friend in person to talk to a second level friend on the telephone.

Hayden

Matthew Hayden retired yesterday. Hayden, who debuted in the early nineties but never really made his mark till the 2001 tour of India was not the kind of cricketer you like. At least I didn't. Built like a Bollywood villain's sidekick that you had to contend with before you got to the real bad guys, that is what I considered him for quite sometime till it was clear that he was the actual villain. Hayden scored a lot of centuries (30 to be exact) but never really captured my imagination like the Waugh brothers, Ponting, Martyn, Slater or even Langer, all batsmen much more fun to watch. Not only was he indelicate to watch as a batsman, he was also a smug, unpleasant character who I doubt ever won the affections of the rival teams or spectators. He was huge, bullish, and in your face and representative of all the things we hated about the Australians. He was also a fascinating orator and came up with the most entertaining or irritating comments especially in the last leg of his career. Here are some.

Some self effacing ones:

“The zone to me is pretty much every time I go out to bat.”

“As fine a cricketer as I am right now, I don’t think as a young player I had it right.”

“I think, more than anything, I am such a weapon here, because when I started attacking, they just got so defensive.”

“I think this series is tailor-made for guys like me.”

....some gay ones:

"We are always getting the pressure from behind us... I love playing with these blokes, and to me, I'm just not ready to let it go just yet."

...and the others, just bizzare:

“I want to see Ricky Ponting going like that when he wins and plays for Australia. That’s the heat of the battle, that’s Test cricket, that’s the enormous passion and enthusiasm that gets played from all games of cricket, you see it even in backyard cricket.”

“When I finish cricket I don’t want to have to be in a game where everything is robots and robotic.”

"I've never been in better shape. So to me it's a really good sign, not only in terms of where I'm at, but my commitment to the game and the commitment to the summer as well."

“Ultimately it will be my call to look at the bloke that talks to yourself every day in the mirror and say ‘mate it is time to go’ or ’saddle up, pull your socks up and get on with it, you’ve got South Africa and you’ve got the Ashes’.”

“That little voice deep inside will keep kicking Matthew Hayden along.”

“Matthew Hayden in 1991 worked as hard as he works in 2008. And that guarantees you at least the best result in terms of how you prepare yourself, but it doesn’t guarantee success.”

“We all enjoy celebrating. What has changed now is we have taken it to a new level in terms of dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s professionally.”

“When you get to my age, you get to a point where the next 12 months is a long, long way away.”

“In a lot of ways, to me off-field, if that’s affecting him that’s a good thing for Hayden because I don’t feel like I’m harbouring any massive resentment.” (something to do with Harbhajan)

“He obviously loves cricket and it’s so healthy to know I can be here and he can be there and we can mutually enjoy each others sports.”
(This about Usain Bolt!)

“At the end of the day, two alpha dogs are never going to sit in a cage and not look at each other. It is what it is. The way I see my cricket, if you’re the other alpha dog, you better not blink. I feel I’d be letting down my country if I was to blink.”


Still, the guy scored 30 centuries. That's more than Bradman, Richards, Boycott, Sobers, Dravid or Kallis. You've got to admire that. No, not admire, respect. Hmm..not really respect, acknowledge. Not acknowldge, resent. Yeah that's the word.

The Historic Trip To Town Part - I

"I feel like having a zinger burger."
"We could go now."

The above dialogue occurred at 3:45 am on an April morning and was the beginning of events which led to what, in the coming years was to be referred to as the 'historic trip to town.' In retrospect, I also consider it as the time when things began to change between us.

When one likes another and another is aware of it, the pretense involved between them is of a most fascinating sort. Another is aware that one likes another but chooses to keep mum about it. Neither make any mention of it whatsoever. It is one of those things which everyone knows but has a sacred tacit status accorded to it when the two relevant parties are present together. One will mope and sigh about it in front of others yet act as if he was guarding the secret with his life in front of another. Many an hours are spent by one going over whether another is aware of his affections, analysing inane conversations several times over. Another, meanwhile acts quietly unaware of the whole thing in front of one, at times not being able to resist asking seemingly innocent questions probing at the heart of the matter, yet always unsure of how much she wants to 'finds' out.

Therefore, nighttime conversations became the norm without registering too much surprise on either side.

"You know, I like talking to you. We should work out a deal that we talk all night till you get married."
"Looks like you want to seriously injure my health."
"Insomnia is healthy. Look at me. How is your boyfriend incidentally?"