That this is all there is; that this is so.

Some of the finest things in life are by definition, short-lived. What gives them character is the impending end. In a world where we constantly look for permanence, stability and happily-ever-afters, sometimes things with an expiry period have a lot of appeal. As I often do, I will resort to another man's poetry to capture the idea.

To make love with a stranger is the best.
There is no riddle and there is no test. --

To lie and love, not aching to make sense
Of this night in the mesh of reference.

To touch, unclaimed by fear of imminent day,
And understand, as only strangers may.

To feel the beat of foreign heart to heart
Preferring neither to prolong nor part.

To rest within the unknown arms and know
That this is all there is; that this is so. 

Gems from Jesse and Celine

I saw Before Sunrise yet again yesterday. While I can talk for hours about this film and its sequel which serve as the most fascinating meditation on all things love, I thought I'd let the dialogues, which are generously littered with absolute gems do the talking. Here are some of my favorite bits.

Jesse: Yeah, I, I know, but, [love and] sexual feel... Those are two very different questions. I mean, I could've answered the sexual feelings thing, no problem, but you know, love. Well, what if I asked you about love?
Céline: I would have lied...but at least, you know, I would have made up a great story.
Jesse: Yeah, well, you would have lied. Great. I mean, love is a complex issue.


Celine: She was only 13 when she died. That meant something to me, you know, I was around that age when I first saw this. Hmm. Now, I'm 10 years older, and she's still, 13, I guess. That's funny.


Céline: Yeah. I think it's because I always... I always have this strange feeling that I am this very old woman laying down about to die. You know, that my life is just her memories, or something.
Jesse: That's so wild. I mean, I always think that I'm still this 13 year old boy, you know who just doesn't really know how to be an adult, pretending to live my life, taking notes for when I'll really have to do it. Kind of like I'm in a dress rehearsal for a Junior High play.


Céline: I always feel like the general of an army when I start dating a guy, you know, plotting my strategy and maneuverings, knowing his weak points, what would hurt him, seduce him. It's horrible.


Jesse: You know -- you know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with, and you realize that that is how little they're thinking about you, you know. (loses ball) You know, you'd like to think that you're both in all this pain, but really, they're just, Hey, I'm glad you're gone.
Céline: I know. You should look at bright colors.


Céline: No, no, no, wait a minute. Talking seriously here. I mean, .. I, I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making... making it look my... my whole life is revolving around some guy. But Loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?
Jesse: Hmmm. Yeah, I don't know. Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband, and sometimes that feels really close.
Céline: Hmm.
Jesse: But then, other times, it seems silly. Like, it would, uh, ruin my whole life. And it's not just a, uh, a fear of commitment, or that I'm incapable of caring, or loving, because I can. It's just that if I'm totally honest with myself, I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something, that I had excelled in some way, you know, than that I had just been in a nice, caring relationship.

Uncomfortably numb

According to God in Neale Donald Walsch's book, there are only two real emotions - fear and love. And everything else flows from these emotions. Though I generally think both Walsch and God are a bit of a scam, there is something to that. Often we struggle to identify what exactly we feel, it helps to simplify emotions into these two categories and by answering how much of what you feel comes from love and fear, we can make things a little easier for us.

But when someone so obsessively analytical as me is scared to analyse what he feels, what does it mean? The memory and conception of certain things in life is much too pure and precious to be put under a microscope. Or maybe the case is that fear is after all a greater motivator than love. But, for now, I'd still like to believe in the former of the two.