One year back, I sang a song. Life is funny and very cruel. How does a person change so fundamentally? To think of a time when he could do almost anything. Anything agar tum kaho..

Why it is important to criticise Dhoni

So, the NZ tour has come to an end. For some strange reason, it is being called a final frontier. I would imagine that no Test series wins in quite some time in Sri-Lanka(not in a long time), Australia, South Africa(never), West Indies(not since 1971)would mean there are many significant frontiers to conquer. Dhoni's team won and we must congratulate them for it but then, an alternate result is not to be expected between the No.3 and No.8 teams in the world.

Dhoni has shown remarkable calm and poise as a captain and very importantly, seems to have the complete support of his team. He has also at certain times shown that he is not afraid of criticism, his 8-1 field placing being a case in point. But, he needs to improve a lot, tactically. For as long as I have watched cricket, I have felt the most glaring evidence of ours being a weak team is our inability to set attacking fields. When we finally have a team which is stronger than most, I mean, there can be absolutely no comparison between us and Vettori's team, why do we shy from attacking. Why have that sweeper in place always, why not put that extra slip against fast bowlers or close in fielder against Harbhajan Singh when you need one. And for God's sake why repeat the mistakes Ganguly committed in Sydney in 2004, Dravid in England in the final test in the 2007 tour, and Kumble in Adelaide. Why declare so late?


More importantly, I think it is important to criticise Dhoni when he falters for I detect a sort of attitude reminiscent of Sachin Tendulkar beginning to creep in where he is too sacrosanct and any criticism amounts to downright blasphemy. Dhoni has done a good job so far as a captain and one day batsman and is a fine ambassador for the game, too. But let's give him what he is due, whether bad or good.


On an aside, despite the fact that he did not do anything great in the test series, my favorite moment of the tour remains a Virender Sehwag special. The first three balls of the tour which were all sent sailing over midwicket for sixes. Even though India lost both the T20s (who really cares), it was a harbinger of the things to come. And, I think the bashing in one dayers also contributed to the insipid bowling of Southee and Mills in the tests, they could not get over it.

The Historic Trip to Town Part - II

For as long as I can remember, I have always imagined my life as a part of a larger narrative, chronicled in black and white, in still photographs and in film with a background score set to it. Perhaps it is just that I have always wanted to be a storyteller that I like to imagine my own life as scenes from a novel or movie.

Therefore, in my mind the following scenes are recapitulated with elaborate camera movements and soundtracks.

Setting: Guy waiting amidst barbed wires and telephone booths. Dimly lit scene in the part of night when the dawn in just about to set in.

As she becomes visible walking out from her hostel, the initial chords in The Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel begin to play. The song plays till she walks up to him.

"What have you put on your face?"
"On my face?!"
"Yeah. It looks different. More shiny."
And something changed.


******

Setting: Inside a BMTC bus. It is still before sunrise.

The camera follows them as they enter the bus and take a seat right at the back. As they sit, Aye Khuda Hafiz from Yuva starts. The camera angle keeps switches between shots of them sitting together and shots of her through his eyes beginning at her face and down to her hands. The song continues right till before Lucky Ali and Alisha Chenoy get into 'wo wos' at the end of the first verse and ends as they settle into a conversation about bus rides with the final long shot of the bus turning at crossing.


******

Setting: Walking up Brigade Road

Dream sequence as he watches her walk ahead and as the guitar starts strumming in the background, he breaks into You've really got a hold on me by the Beatles. They walk along a closed KFC, cigarette shops and the Nigiris which sells imported mangoes(or are they to be exported?) as he continues singing.


******

Setting: In Kaycee's, a small South Indian place, one of the least glamorous and memorable on Church Street which was the only place to be open at that hour.

Dev Chanda Theme 1 plays out as they throw probing questions about respective crushes and those others who had a crush on them.


******

Setting: A figure with a lit cigarette and smoke in a dark room.

A deep, impassive voice recites poetry with only the slight disturbance of the telephone line punctuating it.

What do I want of you?
To walk away with, from the rest.
As in privacy, you discard ceremony
Let your thoughts flow in front of me.
Lean on my shoulders, clasp my fingers.
My love, vouchsafe to me what you have vouchsafed to none.
What no brother, husband, friend and physician was privileged to know.
Talk of all and sundry, vacuities, the pain of existence, the pleasure of living.
Life's big despairs and small glories, what at this moment you lie thinking.
Tell me the whole story.


******

Roy replaces Shoaib

When I heard reports of Andrew Symonds involved in yet another drinking misdemeanor, I had to check the date of the report. So frequently has Symonds courted controversy that it has become tough to keep track. With Shoaib Akhtar out of the team for good(so it seems), it's time to crown Roy the undisputed king of controversial cricketers.

Cactus

Raat eka-ek neend tooti to kya dekhta hoon
Gagan se jaise utar kar ek tara cactus ki jhadiyon mein aa gira hai
Raat eka-ek neend tooti to kya dekhta hoon gagan se jaise utar kar ek tara cactus ki jhadiyon mein aa gira hai
Nikat jaa kar dekhta hoon ek adbhut phool kaanton mein khila hai
Hai cactus, divas mein tum khile hote,
rashmiyan kitni nichhaavar ho gayeen hoti tumhari pankhudiyon par
pavan apni god mein tumko jhula kar dhanya hota
gandh dheemi baantta phirta dhruvon mein
bhringya aate gherte tumko
anavrat bherte mala suyash ki, gun tumhara gungunate

dhairya se sun baat meri, cactus ne kahaa dheeme se
kisi vivashta se khilta hoon, khulne ki saadh to nahi hai
jag mein anjaana reh jaana koi apradh to nahi hai

- Harivanshrai Bachchan

You'd think it would be character
but you would think it wrong
All my men were characters
and most of them are gone

You'd think you should be similar
but no that's not it
the similar ones had my same faults
and we bored ourselves a bit.

You'd think it should be passion
but that's just ebb and flow
love can spark that back again
and then the fireworks show

You'd think it should be purpose
and I thought that for a while
for what then am I loving,
a man or his profile?

You'd think it would be trust
but everyone betrays
the one they love
in just too many ways.

You'd think it should be sacred
and then I think again
you have to forgive each other
and start it new again.

You'd think it could be intelligence
I like men who are smart
but it's courage and compassion
all the parts of heart

You'd think it would be happiness
and you might be close to right
but I need my space and darkness too
and that can start a fight.

You'd think it might be talking
and I think that might be close
but how he fills the silence
cause I just hate verbose.

You'd think he should be a hero
but I don't need much saving
I've saved myself for some long time
I'd rather watch him shaving.

You'd think it should be simple
to know that dueling men
argue from their own conceits
and love themselves again.

You'd think it would be hard to find
because no love had I found
till I saw him standing there
when I finally turned around.

You'd think it should be peaceful
but we started out with fighting-
and then he wrote his poems just for me.
And I don't need sky writing.

You'd think it might be many things
but I think that it's this
That I just make him happy
and that we just persist.

What we are is constantly being determined by what we do. But at times, we want to escape the extent of what we are. Sadly, in an age of documented written communication, it is almost impossible to do. I spent the last 2 hours going over random chats from the last two years, most of which did not make me feel good about myself and others. Only yesterday, I was telling someone that one must never delete what one has written. Going back to our write-ups is like reading reading history. It was a reflection of what we were. It may not be the whole story, leaving you to inquire into the past looking for context into what we wrote.

Yet, this business of written communication is scary. There could be a part of my history that I wouldn't want to be reminded of, some dark chapter that I am yet to make peace with it whose memory could have explosive manifestations. I wonder if it is then time to erase some of my history